Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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