The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
