her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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