If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
