loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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