What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
