There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
