I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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