I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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