Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
