Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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