it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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