i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
