she was so not down for the gang bang
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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