I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
