we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
