Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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