So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
