Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
