In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
