the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
