I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
