Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
