It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
