we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
