He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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