Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
