The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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