she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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