Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
