both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
