The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
