I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
