fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
