I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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