I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
