Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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