Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
