The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
