I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I could fuck to npr.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
