you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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