This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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