Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
