There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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