WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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