i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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