We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
