New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
