I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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