A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I accidentally had phone sex last night
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
