if i can run in heels then i can drive
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
