So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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