the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
