I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
