i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you had me at cake vodka
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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