sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
