What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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