She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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