Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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