Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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