Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
FUCK WHALES
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
