I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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