woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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