Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
