I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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