Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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