just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
