At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
