i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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